paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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