So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
