Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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