So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do vagina's smell?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Randomize
