she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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