I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
