Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
