WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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