I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
