she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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