One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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