By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
