i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
