How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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