I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
