that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
