After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
