The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
