i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
