There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
