his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
