Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
