dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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