Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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