I'm going to rape someone's good day.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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