Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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