You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
