I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
