Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
