Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
