So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
