I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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