It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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