Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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