im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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