does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
