He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
