We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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