I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
