Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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