i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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