dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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