did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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