when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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