You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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