Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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