So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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