Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
