I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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