Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
